The Quote That Started It All

“I Must Be A Mermaid….  I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”   That is the quote that started it all. Stuck in my head because it spoke to my soul, I dove in and five years ago began this page, and this journey.  It really had nothing to do with or about mermaids.  It was that great fear of shallow living and the need to fearlessly dive deep that drew me to begin sharing my heart, my thoughts, my words. It is hard to fathom that five years has passed, that the rushing of the tides and currents have been carrying me forward, however rough or calm the waters of life. There is definitely something about the water, and being in the sea…. there is something about the ocean air and the spray and mist. It is what grounds me. It is what anchors me. It is what saves me. 

 

By |2019-11-24T02:15:36-05:00November 24th, 2019|Dive Deeply|0 Comments

Finding Your Intuitive Self

Find a comfortable and quiet spot. Close your eyes.  Place your hands over your heart.  Take a slow, deep breath.  Pause at the top of your inhale for a brief moment – become aware not that you are holding your breath, but of peace, of calm filling your lungs and chest. Blow the breath out oh so slowly and when you get to the bottom of your breath, once again pause, just for a moment, and then let your breath begin again….. a slow, deep breath….. this time inhaling a fog of pleasing color, a positive and joyful hue… a color that brings you courage, love, contentment, peace ….. keep breathing….. inhaling the color, letting it fill your lungs and chest, exhaling only to inhale more, allowing the color you choose to get stronger, more defined with each cycle of conscious breath.   

I have found that the ritual and practice of connecting with one’s self is the most important piece in tapping into intuition. When we consciously breathe, we are committing to ourselves. We are taking deliberate breaths and steps to oxygenate every part of our mind and body.  We are saying, “I’m alive!” “I am vibrant with energy.” With every conscious breath we are able to attune to the sensing, sight, and vision of all that is in and around us. It provides us with the exact amount of energy and conscious awareness for us to connect with our “within” – our mind, body, heart, and soul. This same energy connects us with the angels and spirits that are within our call.  And it is the path to recognizing our intuitive selves. 

Personally, I find the combination of conscious breath and conscious movement to be the magical recipe to feel open, receptive, and connected.  I do simple movements synchronized to my breath. Try this:  In a comfortable stance, first take a breath, and then on the exhalation, allow your body to gently shake off all the unwanted feelings and energy.  Do that two more times.  Now, with your hands in prayer/namaste position at your heart, inhale and let your gaze follow your hands as they reach to the sky; exhale and open your arms out to the side stretching your fingertips as far as you can; inhale and circle your arms down, one arm crossing over the other at the wrists as they circle up and open, gaze and arms now reaching back up to the sky; exhale, bringing palms together in prayer/namaste position back down to the heart.  Do that a few times each morning – before you start your “to do” list, before you get crunched and stressed.  Do it bare footed, it will help ground you.

A simple daily routine of morning breath and movement, of invocation and prayer, of intention and affirmation is a wonderful way to practice connecting to your intuitive self. And there is a bonus!  A regular practice proves to not only sharpen your ability to know and trust your instincts and insights, but also lowers stress and anxiety, and helps you develop resilience and a positive outlook.

Conscious breath and movement – the way to start each day, the way to your intuitive self, the way to your soul. 

By |2019-11-15T09:45:34-05:00November 14th, 2019|Dive Deeply|0 Comments

WTF Universe?

The truth is, it is hard and scary to dive deep into your self, into your soul.  We are complex individuals, with emotions and energy and all that goes with our embodiment of this life. 

I remember when I first saw Anais Nin’s quote:  “I must be a mermaid.  I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”  I embraced it as my mantra.  My north star.  My guiding light in diving into my stuff – past and present so that I could experience transformation in my next steps, my future. 

Intentions are almost always good and inspire positive movement, but I found it difficult to maintain that frame of mind, those guideposts of reference where I not only dove into my heart and soul and exposed the intricate webbing and cracks of my experiences and being, but then served it up in the shape of social media posts and blog entries for others on a similar journey to gasp, “A Ha!,” and know they were not a lonely traveler but had company in their heartbreaks, trials, and tribulations.

Six and some odd years later, I find myself frozen – not able to dive at all, whether shallow or deep.  The fear, sometimes paralyzing, impairs my brain from computing what the pieces of the puzzle are, stops my heart from wanting to live another day in this confusion and frustration of what my life has turned out to be.  It is a mortal battle for my soul.  The waves of life that I so often write about are crashing around me, the tides and currents pushing and pulling.

I can’t see the light sometimes.  I know it’s there…..

I know that my feelings of sadness and depression, that the ‘I don’t want to,’ ‘can’t do this anymore,’ are but a wave that will refresh itself as it kisses the shore and then retreats to be part of the big picture once again. 

Do you ever throw your hands up to the sky and ask, “WTF Universe?”

I use to say in my most intense moments of ‘I’ve had it,’ “I hate my fucking life.”  My therapist was not happy that I said that, and she was quick to point out that it was my fucking life at the moment, and that it will change, that I had the ability to change it, for change is inevitable.  The other day I was watching Grace and Frankie – Season 4, and (spoiler alert!) Grace in a moment of utter frustration with a situation says, and I quote, “I hate my fucking life!”  I actually texted that to my therapist as if to say, see?, I am not the only one that feels that sense of despair. 

So really, “WTF Universe?”  I am in continual motion to examine the questions of why am I here, why are we all here, what am I suppose to be doing with this f’n life, and what can I do to make it better.  And that’s where we get back to the Anais Nin quote and the no fear of depths.  We don’t really want to live in the shallows, the superficial, the inauthentic.  We want to live deeply, love fully, experience our life in all its throws and storms and loveliness too.  I look at everyone around me and see that none of us are here gliding effortlessly through this life journey.  Everyone has some burden, some upsetting circumstance, some difficult challenge. Some have unimaginable obstacles to manage.  The point is, we all have our things to face and deal with. And it is in those moments of facing our stressful situations that we must realize and accept the uncomfortable circumstances, for that is where the light is, the growth, the progress.

And that’s why we are here – today, now, as human beings, on this earth, at this time.  We are in one big soul growth experience – sometimes it feels like one big shit storm, or a wave crashing so hard that it takes all the life and breath out of anything in its wake. 

But we rise up – a popular phrase these days… We rise up to meet our challenges.  We find the way to our heart and soul and to live the best way we can, guide our children, love our family, listen to our friends and support them as they speak about their journeys, be grateful for what we have, and most importantly, love ourselves.  It is up to us to pierce the shallows of our heart and soul and dive deeply into that which may challenge or scare us.  Because it is in those depths that we truly find ourselves, and realize that this life, no matter what the universe throws to us, is ours – to live, to enjoy, to own. 

Everything Happens for a Reason, or Does it?

Do things happen for a reason, or is it all just random? And so the question of whether or not there is a prescribed path for each of us to follow, a designated sequence of events, is pondered. Is there a grand plan? A friend recently suggested that if indeed there was a grand plan for everyone, then why was I worried or stressed or sad? I should just trust the plan and more importantly, I should try not to analyze “why” things happened. Are there truly lessons to be learned that we contract to experience, lessons that guide us through our own personal mine fields where we bloom or implode, and outcomes are written in our destiny? It is said that our soul’s journey is comprised of prescribed lessons that we agreed to learn before we came into this life, lessons that we will learn no matter what path and relationships we choose. I read that what you are doing does not matter so much as what you are learning from doing it. Maybe then the lesson is not in the “why” it happened, but in the fact that it happened at all.

Life is after all about moments.

And each moment and event is filled with the opportunity to learn something about our selves. Each moment or event opens the door to other opportunities and paths for us to explore. But are we guided to these certain experiences by some inner aspect of our selves? How often have we known that a decision is correct, or that a choice resonates truth? Would that be a confirmation from our higher self or divine guidance from within? We simply have to follow the path. One friend described her path as “following the bouncing ball.” She had experienced something extraordinary and now was attuned to the sound of that bounce – the one that reverberates and says, “come” and adds “do not fear for all will be OK”. When I think of my path, I think of following a thread – or a ribbon that is at my place at the table and winds its way through and intersects with other ribbons, embodying all that it feels, sees, senses, and hears, becoming educated in who it is so that when it reaches the big centerpiece box filled with surprises and joy in the center, it lands in gratitude. I like that metaphor – each day, each experience is new and so a surprise, and the hope is that at our center, our lives are filled with gratitude and joy. It is of course up to us to make the choices, have the perspective, and the perceptions that can lead us through our embedded scripts where we will encounter the conflict and pain that will deliver us to that joy filled center. When I watched Life of Pi, I was struck by something the father said, “How can you find your way if you don’t choose a path?” There is always some choice that we will have to make, that will determine what we will experience, what relationships we have, what paths we follow. It is our free will that we must exercise, that we can exercise, to enjoy the surprises that the bouncing ball or the thread invite us to explore. And it is also our free will that can keep us open and listening for that inner voice, our inner guide that does indeed seem to know what is best for us, that informs us of what is true, what path we should follow, and when we will learn the lessons we came to learn. My astrologer of twenty years always reminds me that free will can change everything. It can affect timing, circumstances, and relationships. But ultimately it guides us to see what is within us. It instructs us to transform the way we view our selves and everything around us. So let us bless this idea that things happen for a reason, that we will learn our lessons, and that there exists within us a higher intuitive self that offers guidance and insight. And as for free will changing everything, let it change us all, and the world, for good.

By |2018-10-25T12:51:29-04:00May 25th, 2016|Dive Deeply|4 Comments

Submerge yourself in the depths of your soul…

I had always been intrigued by Anais Nin’s quote, “I must be a mermaid. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.” The idea of diving deep into life, not wanting to live on the surface, and really understanding what was in my heart and soul, was a driving force in my creating this blog, and to how I would ultimately pursue my dreams and passions in life. So here I am, submerging myself in the depths of my soul… listening to the quiet stillness… the silent echoes… transforming with each moment.

By |2018-10-16T10:28:03-04:00March 13th, 2016|More Emotional Weather|3 Comments

Sometimes you just have to say, “It is what it is.”

“Take things as they come.” “Be present.” “Live the moment.”

All great drops of advice and all important to having peace in your heart. So why is it that we have such a difficult time doing them? Many of us analyze, over analyze, think, and over think why certain events and relationships happen in our lives. We are stuck on not only the fact that they happened, but on the why. After all, everything happens for a reason. But is it so important to know that reason Can’t we just accept that it happened and look for what it has shown us, taught us, and how it has helped us grow?

If there was ever a statement that strongly resonated with me it would be Caroline Myss’ words: “Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.” I spent years trying to find the reason why something happened, why I made the choice I did, why things had worked out as they had. It was so painful and I suffered greatly. Living in the past or holding on to a fantasy is such a waste of energy. And it causes great hardship. Trying to decipher all the meanings in our personal universe is exhausting and we may not find all the answers we seek, or want for that matter. The search could be enlightening, but most often we feel anguish, sadness, and heartbreak when we remain in that search for the reasons why.

We all make mistakes. We all experience some emotional trauma. We all suffer. But we have the power, the choice, to free ourselves from that pain. I have often joked with friends about how it is time to get off misery road, that it is within our power to change the trajectory of our lives. We must choose to be vigilant and redirect our thoughts away from the questions of why something happened, why a relationship soured, why a person is the way they are, why a job didn’t work out, why we had to lose a loved one… why our life is the way it is. The best thing we can do for ourselves is give up the need to know why things happen as they do and just accept that they did, that they are as they are now. Just accept and allow the lesson. I dislike the expression, “It is what it is,” but it is the truth, and I find myself thinking or saying those words a lot lately.

So turn off of misery road and turn on to the road of joy, of happiness, of contentment, and of peace. Turn off your wondering mind. Cease the inquiry. Give up the need to know the why and concentrate on what is – focus on the present moment, and then focus on each subsequent moment as you experience life.

“Take things as they come.” “Be present.” “Live the moment.”

Peace of mind and soul can be yours. It is your choice.

By |2018-10-25T12:54:05-04:00March 4th, 2016|More Emotional Weather|2 Comments

Set Your Vibration

Every thought, feeling, sound, or action from us contributes to the nature of the vibration that emanates from our body. The truth is that we can attract similar energy vibrations to us. Have you ever been with a group of friends where the joy is so infectious that your belly hurt from all the laughter? Or conversely with a friend who was sad, and you felt that sadness in your own heart and soul. It is so important to be mindful of our energy and what vibrational message we are sending out. Breathing is the first step to our becoming aware of our energetic signature. Just breathing deeply, fully, in complete cycles of inhalation and exhalation, will help get our energy moving. Another really helpful practice, is to each morning before you do anything else, wake up your body. Spend the time each and every morning to ground and center yourself. Whether it is a simple stretch sequence or a personal yoga practice, spend the first few minutes of each day becoming mindful of how you feel – body, mind, heart, and soul. Scan your body as you stretch, as you breathe… Notice where the kinks are, notice what thoughts are getting stuck, and breathe and move through it. Get your energy flowing. Set your vibration to receive joy, happiness, patience, love… whatever it is that you want to embrace you.

By |2018-10-24T11:47:21-04:00November 25th, 2015|Quotes and Thoughts|1 Comment

Life Ever-shifting

I have always loved kaleidoscopes, my eye taking in all the ever changing shapes and colors. Life is like that too… the patterns, the lightness and darkness of our days… All it takes is that twist of hand, that shift of perspective, the ever so slight altering of something to bring about a change. A deep relaxed breath… a stretch of the arms towards the sun… an opening of your heart… Life is ever-shifting, each moment offering an opportunity to change and alter our outlooks and outcomes.

By |2018-10-16T10:33:16-04:00September 6th, 2015|Quotes and Thoughts|0 Comments

The Great Wave

It has been such a long time since I have really written anything… I have been thinking about that lately, and feeling that it might be time to dive in to my heart that feels so broken, shattered from the loss of my father, and the shifts of life that have rippled from that loss. A friend sent me a book shortly after my father died… “How to Heal A Grieving Heart” by Doreen Virtue and James Van Praagh. It was given to her and signed by James Van Praagh, yet she felt called to put it into my hands. If you don’t know this book, each page has a separate thought, so you can just open the book to any page and find some bit of inspiration to help you through your grief. I think one of the first things I read from it was about how one great loss will trigger other unhealed losses. I had been experiencing that and reading that passage validated what I was going through. And so I have been wading through all the other losses that I thought I had put into place, accepted, understood, integrated, healed… only to discover of course that that was the furthest thing from the truth, my truth. Why when I wanted to focus on grieving the death of my father did I have to think about other things, relationships, parts of myself that brought up so much emotion. But there it all was. And I really had no choice but to somehow find my path through it all. My heart ached. I was depleted emotionally, physically, and spiritually. And ten months later, I can’t believe that my father has been gone (in the physical sense) for ten months, I am still very much immersed in the process and feelings of that grieving. Tears flow daily and I basque in the salt of my personal sea.

I think that our hearts are continually being broken – but broken open so that we may have the opportunity to really see who we are and who is really there for us in our lives. I have talked to many friends that have experienced the loss of a loved one, and everyone shares this – that the dynamics in their relationships change. Perhaps the person who died was the glue of the family… perhaps in the process of the death family members did not see things exactly the same way… or perhaps because we are all unique, we handle our grief as we handle our life in different ways. The point is, things change. Everything changes. And the change is continual. And so I take comfort in the fact that the sadness or pain or anger or disconnectedness I feel will change too. I think loss is the great wave that washes over us and like the ocean washing the shore, exposes every rock, every shell, every granule of sand, every piece of us. It forces us to be in the light, and yet there is the darkness too, when the water blankets us and allows us to stay in our depths, in whatever feelings we choose to be in at that time. I prefer the light. I relish the sunlight that shines on the beach, on me, warming my heart so that feelings of acceptance and love emanate from my soul, from my very core essence. But I also recognize the importance of the darkness and the time spent in that place. There is a quote about how it is darkness that gives us the opportunity to see the light. I think I see the light now – I think I see the path, to healing and love and acceptance and understanding of it all. And that is all we can really ask of ourselves – to find our way in a manner that allows us to be in the light of love and happiness, if even just for a moment each day.