We live in complex times… We are all different yet the same, as we are all human, all part of humanity and the universe. We must embrace our lives, our relationships, and our world as the precious gift that it is, seeing that compassion of heart is truly the only path to both our inner peace and peace for our world.
Do things happen for a reason, or is it all just random? And so the question of whether or not there is a prescribed path for each of us to follow, a designated sequence of events, is pondered. Is there a grand plan? A friend recently suggested that if indeed there was a grand plan for everyone, then why was I worried or stressed or sad? I should just trust the plan and more importantly, I should try not to analyze “why” things happened. Are there truly lessons to be learned that we contract to experience, lessons that guide us through our own personal mine fields where we bloom or implode, and outcomes are written in our destiny? It is said that our soul’s journey is comprised of prescribed lessons that we agreed to learn before we came into this life, lessons that we will learn no matter what path and relationships we choose. I read that what you are doing does not matter so much as what you are learning from doing it. Maybe then the lesson is not in the “why” it happened, but in the fact that it happened at all. Life is after all about moments. And each moment and event is filled with the opportunity to learn something about our selves. Each moment or event opens the door to other opportunities and paths for us to explore. But are we guided to these certain experiences by some inner aspect of our selves? How often have we known that a decision is correct, or that a choice resonates truth? Would that be a confirmation from our higher self or divine guidance from within? We simply have to follow the path. One friend described her path as “following the bouncing ball.” She had experienced something extraordinary and now was attuned to the sound of that bounce – the one that reverberates and says, “come” and adds “do not fear for all will be OK”. When I think of my path, I think of following a thread – or a ribbon that is at my place at the table and winds its way through and intersects with other ribbons, embodying all that it feels, sees, senses, and hears, becoming educated in who it is so that when it reaches the big centerpiece box filled with surprises and joy in the center, it lands in gratitude. I like that metaphor – each day, each experience is new and so a surprise, and the hope is that at our center, our lives are filled with gratitude and joy. It is of course up to us to make the choices, have the perspective, and the perceptions that can lead us through our embedded scripts where we will encounter the conflict and pain that will deliver us to that joy filled center. When I watched Life of Pi, I was struck by something the father said, “How can you find your way if you don’t choose a path?” There is always some choice that we will have to make, that will determine what we will experience, what relationships we have, what paths we follow. It is our free will that we must exercise, that we can exercise, to enjoy the surprises that the bouncing ball or the thread invite us to explore. And it is also our free will that can keep us open and listening for that inner voice, our inner guide that does indeed seem to know what is best for us, that informs us of what is true, what path we should follow, and when we will learn the lessons we came to learn. My astrologer of twenty years always reminds me that free will can change everything. It can affect timing, circumstances, and relationships. But ultimately it guides us to see what is within us. It instructs us to transform the way we view our selves and everything around us. So let us bless this idea that things happen for a reason, that we will learn our lessons, and that there exists within us a higher intuitive self that offers guidance and insight. And as for free will changing everything, let it change us all, and the world, for good.
I had always been intrigued by Anais Nin’s quote, “I must be a mermaid. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.” The idea of diving deep into life, not wanting to live on the surface, and really understanding what was in my heart and soul, was a driving force in my creating this blog, and to how I would ultimately pursue my dreams and passions in life. So here I am, submerging myself in the depths of my soul… listening to the quiet stillness… the silent echoes… transforming with each moment.
“Take things as they come.” “Be present.” “Live the moment.”
All great drops of advice and all important to having peace in your heart. So why is it that we have such a difficult time doing them? Many of us analyze, over analyze, think, and over think why certain events and relationships happen in our lives. We are stuck on not only the fact that they happened, but on the why. After all, everything happens for a reason. But is it so important to know that reason Can’t we just accept that it happened and look for what it has shown us, taught us, and how it has helped us grow?
If there was ever a statement that strongly resonated with me it would be Caroline Myss’ words: “Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.” I spent years trying to find the reason why something happened, why I made the choice I did, why things had worked out as they had. It was so painful and I suffered greatly. Living in the past or holding on to a fantasy is such a waste of energy. And it causes great hardship. Trying to decipher all the meanings in our personal universe is exhausting and we may not find all the answers we seek, or want for that matter. The search could be enlightening, but most often we feel anguish, sadness, and heartbreak when we remain in that search for the reasons why.
We all make mistakes. We all experience some emotional trauma. We all suffer. But we have the power, the choice, to free ourselves from that pain. I have often joked with friends about how it is time to get off misery road, that it is within our power to change the trajectory of our lives. We must choose to be vigilant and redirect our thoughts away from the questions of why something happened, why a relationship soured, why a person is the way they are, why a job didn’t work out, why we had to lose a loved one… why our life is the way it is. The best thing we can do for ourselves is give up the need to know why things happen as they do and just accept that they did, that they are as they are now. Just accept and allow the lesson. I dislike the expression, “It is what it is,” but it is the truth, and I find myself thinking or saying those words a lot lately.
So turn off of misery road and turn on to the road of joy, of happiness, of contentment, and of peace. Turn off your wondering mind. Cease the inquiry. Give up the need to know the why and concentrate on what is – focus on the present moment, and then focus on each subsequent moment as you experience life.
“Take things as they come.” “Be present.” “Live the moment.”
Peace of mind and soul can be yours. It is your choice.
Every thought, feeling, sound, or action from us contributes to the nature of the vibration that emanates from our body. The truth is that we can attract similar energy vibrations to us. Have you ever been with a group of friends where the joy is so infectious that your belly hurt from all the laughter? Or conversely with a friend who was sad, and you felt that sadness in your own heart and soul. It is so important to be mindful of our energy and what vibrational message we are sending out. Breathing is the first step to our becoming aware of our energetic signature. Just breathing deeply, fully, in complete cycles of inhalation and exhalation, will help get our energy moving. Another really helpful practice, is to each morning before you do anything else, wake up your body. Spend the time each and every morning to ground and center yourself. Whether it is a simple stretch sequence or a personal yoga practice, spend the first few minutes of each day becoming mindful of how you feel – body, mind, heart, and soul. Scan your body as you stretch, as you breathe… Notice where the kinks are, notice what thoughts are getting stuck, and breathe and move through it. Get your energy flowing. Set your vibration to receive joy, happiness, patience, love… whatever it is that you want to embrace you.
I have always loved kaleidoscopes, my eye taking in all the ever changing shapes and colors. Life is like that too… the patterns, the lightness and darkness of our days… All it takes is that twist of hand, that shift of perspective, the ever so slight altering of something to bring about a change. A deep relaxed breath… a stretch of the arms towards the sun… an opening of your heart… Life is ever-shifting, each moment offering an opportunity to change and alter our outlooks and outcomes.
It has been such a long time since I have really written anything… I have been thinking about that lately, and feeling that it might be time to dive in to my heart that feels so broken, shattered from the loss of my father, and the shifts of life that have rippled from that loss. A friend sent me a book shortly after my father died… “How to Heal A Grieving Heart” by Doreen Virtue and James Van Praagh. It was given to her and signed by James Van Praagh, yet she felt called to put it into my hands. If you don’t know this book, each page has a separate thought, so you can just open the book to any page and find some bit of inspiration to help you through your grief. I think one of the first things I read from it was about how one great loss will trigger other unhealed losses. I had been experiencing that and reading that passage validated what I was going through. And so I have been wading through all the other losses that I thought I had put into place, accepted, understood, integrated, healed… only to discover of course that that was the furthest thing from the truth, my truth. Why when I wanted to focus on grieving the death of my father did I have to think about other things, relationships, parts of myself that brought up so much emotion. But there it all was. And I really had no choice but to somehow find my path through it all. My heart ached. I was depleted emotionally, physically, and spiritually. And ten months later, I can’t believe that my father has been gone (in the physical sense) for ten months, I am still very much immersed in the process and feelings of that grieving. Tears flow daily and I basque in the salt of my personal sea.
I think that our hearts are continually being broken – but broken open so that we may have the opportunity to really see who we are and who is really there for us in our lives. I have talked to many friends that have experienced the loss of a loved one, and everyone shares this – that the dynamics in their relationships change. Perhaps the person who died was the glue of the family… perhaps in the process of the death family members did not see things exactly the same way… or perhaps because we are all unique, we handle our grief as we handle our life in different ways. The point is, things change. Everything changes. And the change is continual. And so I take comfort in the fact that the sadness or pain or anger or disconnectedness I feel will change too. I think loss is the great wave that washes over us and like the ocean washing the shore, exposes every rock, every shell, every granule of sand, every piece of us. It forces us to be in the light, and yet there is the darkness too, when the water blankets us and allows us to stay in our depths, in whatever feelings we choose to be in at that time. I prefer the light. I relish the sunlight that shines on the beach, on me, warming my heart so that feelings of acceptance and love emanate from my soul, from my very core essence. But I also recognize the importance of the darkness and the time spent in that place. There is a quote about how it is darkness that gives us the opportunity to see the light. I think I see the light now – I think I see the path, to healing and love and acceptance and understanding of it all. And that is all we can really ask of ourselves – to find our way in a manner that allows us to be in the light of love and happiness, if even just for a moment each day.