We live in complex times… We are all different yet the same, as we are all human, all part of humanity and the universe. We must embrace our lives, our relationships, and our world as the precious gift that it is, seeing that compassion of heart is truly the only path to both our inner peace and peace for our world.
I had always been intrigued by Anais Nin’s quote, “I must be a mermaid. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.” The idea of diving deep into life, not wanting to live on the surface, and really understanding what was in my heart and soul, was a driving force in my creating this blog, and to how I would ultimately pursue my dreams and passions in life. So here I am, submerging myself in the depths of my soul… listening to the quiet stillness… the silent echoes… transforming with each moment.
It has been such a long time since I have really written anything… I have been thinking about that lately, and feeling that it might be time to dive in to my heart that feels so broken, shattered from the loss of my father, and the shifts of life that have rippled from that loss. A friend sent me a book shortly after my father died… “How to Heal A Grieving Heart” by Doreen Virtue and James Van Praagh. It was given to her and signed by James Van Praagh, yet she felt called to put it into my hands. If you don’t know this book, each page has a separate thought, so you can just open the book to any page and find some bit of inspiration to help you through your grief. I think one of the first things I read from it was about how one great loss will trigger other unhealed losses. I had been experiencing that and reading that passage validated what I was going through. And so I have been wading through all the other losses that I thought I had put into place, accepted, understood, integrated, healed… only to discover of course that that was the furthest thing from the truth, my truth. Why when I wanted to focus on grieving the death of my father did I have to think about other things, relationships, parts of myself that brought up so much emotion. But there it all was. And I really had no choice but to somehow find my path through it all. My heart ached. I was depleted emotionally, physically, and spiritually. And ten months later, I can’t believe that my father has been gone (in the physical sense) for ten months, I am still very much immersed in the process and feelings of that grieving. Tears flow daily and I basque in the salt of my personal sea.
I think that our hearts are continually being broken – but broken open so that we may have the opportunity to really see who we are and who is really there for us in our lives. I have talked to many friends that have experienced the loss of a loved one, and everyone shares this – that the dynamics in their relationships change. Perhaps the person who died was the glue of the family… perhaps in the process of the death family members did not see things exactly the same way… or perhaps because we are all unique, we handle our grief as we handle our life in different ways. The point is, things change. Everything changes. And the change is continual. And so I take comfort in the fact that the sadness or pain or anger or disconnectedness I feel will change too. I think loss is the great wave that washes over us and like the ocean washing the shore, exposes every rock, every shell, every granule of sand, every piece of us. It forces us to be in the light, and yet there is the darkness too, when the water blankets us and allows us to stay in our depths, in whatever feelings we choose to be in at that time. I prefer the light. I relish the sunlight that shines on the beach, on me, warming my heart so that feelings of acceptance and love emanate from my soul, from my very core essence. But I also recognize the importance of the darkness and the time spent in that place. There is a quote about how it is darkness that gives us the opportunity to see the light. I think I see the light now – I think I see the path, to healing and love and acceptance and understanding of it all. And that is all we can really ask of ourselves – to find our way in a manner that allows us to be in the light of love and happiness, if even just for a moment each day.
We begin our very physical existence in water. It is in the womb that we are surrounded by the gentle, soothing fluid that allows our consciousness to develop, our human-ness to form.
There is something so beautiful, natural, and serene about being one with the nature of life itself. There is an inherent truth to an integral return to that from which we came, that from which we developed and discovered ourselves, that from which our consciousness is at home and one with. It is the very nature of our mermaid soul…
Returning to our natural states is as necessary as the air we must breathe to live, as the sustenance we require to exist as a complete and conscious body. It is there that we can awaken to our greatest power and potential.
Life crashes us with its thunderous surf. It lulls us with its tides. It pushes us with its currents. We only need to look at the waters to understand the vulnerability and strength within us. We only need to dive deeply into where we came from to recover the treasures that are within our hearts and souls.
Breathe and anchor yourself in the rush of each present wave… surrender to the flow… allow the sea to carry you, just as it did at your very beginning.
I have been pondering one of my catch phrases… “Dive deep”. Meaning is a subjective thing. We give everything in our life meaning by the value we place on it. So I asked myself, what is the value of diving deep into my heart and soul? The painful unraveling of the puzzle of who I am, chiseling the layers of self protection to discover that essence, where every breath, if I let it, helps shatter the illusions, the non truths, inviting me to reach for and grasp my very passion and purpose that I am diving for, to find and live in alignment and balance.
We dive for the inspiration to get through our day, our life. We dive for answers to our many questions. We dive with our mermaid sisters so we can know that we are not alone, that we are supported and loved though our journey is fraught with emotional undertows.
We dive deeply into our selves so that we may find our highest and greatest good, so that we can know peace and joy in our soul. For when we follow our passion, we indeed find our purpose and then our world all at once makes perfect sense. Dive deep…
Do you ever wonder why all of the sudden something will make sense, you will finally get the big concept picture, you will breathe a sigh of relief, exclaim “a ha!”… In those moments your soul is clicking into the recognition of its path.
Many of us are searching for those moments, and we search for them in the messages that the universe is communicating to us. We search for understanding, guidance, answers, pathways… all in the framework of inspiration.
Inspiration comes in the morning through the sun rising, spreading its rays of warmth, it comes with the light of day, it comes with the setting sun and the dark of night, it comes as a mystical blanket of stars, or perhaps it comes as the brightening of the magnificent galaxies.
In the drops of brilliant thought we seek an answer, a reason, a paradigm, and find rhetoric of inspiration. Phrases repeatedly seem to appear. Some of my favorites are everything happens for you, not to you; things will keep coming up until you have learned the lesson it must teach; everything happens for a reason; oh and – let it go. It does seem that particular messages arrive in our view at pretty much the precise time that we need them, the universe giving us exactly what we need when we need it. It is these words and phrases and thoughts that click in us sending a clear message from our deepest dreams: and they beckon follow me, I will make you feel better, you will love me, with me you will see wonder, this is your journey, this is your path, this is your destiny.
There are messages for us everywhere. Messages that help guide us along. And we are all seeing the same ones, searching for the same thing – uniquely discovering our place in it all.
We glide through life as mermaids do – breathing in the depths where many cannot, swimming deep into our psyches, our souls, exploring our caverns and all the aspects of ourselves and our soul family. The ocean is our soul’s place and so we are drawn to the water, its well of secrets and magic immersed in the shadows and light of the sun or moon above.
Inspiration is drawn like water from a well. It can be scooped up by handfuls, sipped a few mouthfuls at a time, or drunk furiously out of sheer thirst. At different times in our lives we seem to seek that water… as if it itself holds the answers.
There has been much talk lately about passion. Passion is what drives us –compelling us to live fully and on purpose. Most of us have some idea of what we want to be when we grow up. From a tender age, we imagine ourselves as adults having some role in the world. Many a young boy dreamed of being a fireman, a fisherman, or a doctor; many a young girl longed to be an actress, a dancer, or a mother. Over our development from children to young adults, we refine those images – we start to examine our likes and interests, our strengths and challenges, and what makes our hearts sing. We start to formulate not just what we want to be, but who. We follow that thread, as if it was a serpentine string to a surprise box centerpiece. Our path winds as a river rushes and then gently flows. (more…)
Every day my heart breaks just a little. Usually it is from an expectation and then a profound disappointment – be it a friend, a family member, perhaps one of my children, or even my life itself, I experience that deep hurt and shock that starts in my gut and permeates my soul daily.
I was thinking back on being heartbroken, and how I have probably experienced the pathology of a broken heart from a very young age, yet did not know how to identify it as that. Did it start with my parents having my siblings? Was my heart that was solely my mother’s and father’s, and their hearts mine, first fractured at the tender age of three? Did it begin when my paternal grandparents demonstrated a lack of caring and love when they showed favoritism to my cousins and aunt and uncle, placing conditions on their affection and behaving emotionally abusive in the process? Or was it life’s other disappointments? (more…)
I have always loved the sea. From my tender years, I would feel the salt-spray on my skin, taste the warm Biscayne Bay waters that would come to help soothe me, and inhale the air that filled me with energy and perspective. Boating, sailing in particular, has always been an important part of my life. I was my own master on my sailing vessels, pointing to catch the wind so that I could race as fast as I could, feeling the strong and subtle breezes surround me, moving me forward. Owning my independence and solitude, I could navigate my world at hand.
It is then no real surprise to me that I was lured by the idea of being a mermaid… (more…)