The Quote That Started It All

“I Must Be A Mermaid….  I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”   That is the quote that started it all. Stuck in my head because it spoke to my soul, I dove in and five years ago began this page, and this journey.  It really had nothing to do with or about mermaids.  It was that great fear of shallow living and the need to fearlessly dive deep that drew me to begin sharing my heart, my thoughts, my words. It is hard to fathom that five years has passed, that the rushing of the tides and currents have been carrying me forward, however rough or calm the waters of life. There is definitely something about the water, and being in the sea…. there is something about the ocean air and the spray and mist. It is what grounds me. It is what anchors me. It is what saves me. 

 

By |2019-11-24T02:15:36-05:00November 24th, 2019|Dive Deeply|0 Comments

Finding Your Intuitive Self

Find a comfortable and quiet spot. Close your eyes.  Place your hands over your heart.  Take a slow, deep breath.  Pause at the top of your inhale for a brief moment – become aware not that you are holding your breath, but of peace, of calm filling your lungs and chest. Blow the breath out oh so slowly and when you get to the bottom of your breath, once again pause, just for a moment, and then let your breath begin again….. a slow, deep breath….. this time inhaling a fog of pleasing color, a positive and joyful hue… a color that brings you courage, love, contentment, peace ….. keep breathing….. inhaling the color, letting it fill your lungs and chest, exhaling only to inhale more, allowing the color you choose to get stronger, more defined with each cycle of conscious breath.   

I have found that the ritual and practice of connecting with one’s self is the most important piece in tapping into intuition. When we consciously breathe, we are committing to ourselves. We are taking deliberate breaths and steps to oxygenate every part of our mind and body.  We are saying, “I’m alive!” “I am vibrant with energy.” With every conscious breath we are able to attune to the sensing, sight, and vision of all that is in and around us. It provides us with the exact amount of energy and conscious awareness for us to connect with our “within” – our mind, body, heart, and soul. This same energy connects us with the angels and spirits that are within our call.  And it is the path to recognizing our intuitive selves. 

Personally, I find the combination of conscious breath and conscious movement to be the magical recipe to feel open, receptive, and connected.  I do simple movements synchronized to my breath. Try this:  In a comfortable stance, first take a breath, and then on the exhalation, allow your body to gently shake off all the unwanted feelings and energy.  Do that two more times.  Now, with your hands in prayer/namaste position at your heart, inhale and let your gaze follow your hands as they reach to the sky; exhale and open your arms out to the side stretching your fingertips as far as you can; inhale and circle your arms down, one arm crossing over the other at the wrists as they circle up and open, gaze and arms now reaching back up to the sky; exhale, bringing palms together in prayer/namaste position back down to the heart.  Do that a few times each morning – before you start your “to do” list, before you get crunched and stressed.  Do it bare footed, it will help ground you.

A simple daily routine of morning breath and movement, of invocation and prayer, of intention and affirmation is a wonderful way to practice connecting to your intuitive self. And there is a bonus!  A regular practice proves to not only sharpen your ability to know and trust your instincts and insights, but also lowers stress and anxiety, and helps you develop resilience and a positive outlook.

Conscious breath and movement – the way to start each day, the way to your intuitive self, the way to your soul. 

By |2019-11-15T09:45:34-05:00November 14th, 2019|Dive Deeply|0 Comments

WTF Universe?

The truth is, it is hard and scary to dive deep into your self, into your soul.  We are complex individuals, with emotions and energy and all that goes with our embodiment of this life. 

I remember when I first saw Anais Nin’s quote:  “I must be a mermaid.  I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”  I embraced it as my mantra.  My north star.  My guiding light in diving into my stuff – past and present so that I could experience transformation in my next steps, my future. 

Intentions are almost always good and inspire positive movement, but I found it difficult to maintain that frame of mind, those guideposts of reference where I not only dove into my heart and soul and exposed the intricate webbing and cracks of my experiences and being, but then served it up in the shape of social media posts and blog entries for others on a similar journey to gasp, “A Ha!,” and know they were not a lonely traveler but had company in their heartbreaks, trials, and tribulations.

Six and some odd years later, I find myself frozen – not able to dive at all, whether shallow or deep.  The fear, sometimes paralyzing, impairs my brain from computing what the pieces of the puzzle are, stops my heart from wanting to live another day in this confusion and frustration of what my life has turned out to be.  It is a mortal battle for my soul.  The waves of life that I so often write about are crashing around me, the tides and currents pushing and pulling.

I can’t see the light sometimes.  I know it’s there…..

I know that my feelings of sadness and depression, that the ‘I don’t want to,’ ‘can’t do this anymore,’ are but a wave that will refresh itself as it kisses the shore and then retreats to be part of the big picture once again. 

Do you ever throw your hands up to the sky and ask, “WTF Universe?”

I use to say in my most intense moments of ‘I’ve had it,’ “I hate my fucking life.”  My therapist was not happy that I said that, and she was quick to point out that it was my fucking life at the moment, and that it will change, that I had the ability to change it, for change is inevitable.  The other day I was watching Grace and Frankie – Season 4, and (spoiler alert!) Grace in a moment of utter frustration with a situation says, and I quote, “I hate my fucking life!”  I actually texted that to my therapist as if to say, see?, I am not the only one that feels that sense of despair. 

So really, “WTF Universe?”  I am in continual motion to examine the questions of why am I here, why are we all here, what am I suppose to be doing with this f’n life, and what can I do to make it better.  And that’s where we get back to the Anais Nin quote and the no fear of depths.  We don’t really want to live in the shallows, the superficial, the inauthentic.  We want to live deeply, love fully, experience our life in all its throws and storms and loveliness too.  I look at everyone around me and see that none of us are here gliding effortlessly through this life journey.  Everyone has some burden, some upsetting circumstance, some difficult challenge. Some have unimaginable obstacles to manage.  The point is, we all have our things to face and deal with. And it is in those moments of facing our stressful situations that we must realize and accept the uncomfortable circumstances, for that is where the light is, the growth, the progress.

And that’s why we are here – today, now, as human beings, on this earth, at this time.  We are in one big soul growth experience – sometimes it feels like one big shit storm, or a wave crashing so hard that it takes all the life and breath out of anything in its wake. 

But we rise up – a popular phrase these days… We rise up to meet our challenges.  We find the way to our heart and soul and to live the best way we can, guide our children, love our family, listen to our friends and support them as they speak about their journeys, be grateful for what we have, and most importantly, love ourselves.  It is up to us to pierce the shallows of our heart and soul and dive deeply into that which may challenge or scare us.  Because it is in those depths that we truly find ourselves, and realize that this life, no matter what the universe throws to us, is ours – to live, to enjoy, to own. 

Do You Have The Power? Will Power That Is!

Each morning, each sunrise, is nature’s way of signaling you to wake up, heed the call to action, to move forward on your path, progress towards your personal goals.  Some days the goal is to simply open your eyes and get out of bed.  I have had many days like that.

On the first of November I woke up feeling like I needed to do a reset of my life.  I had been feeling overwhelmed and my answer to those feelings had been to on several occasions binge eat cocoa puffs or devour my latest favorite Chocolove dark chocolate with salted almond butter bar, or both.  Trust me, it is not a pretty sight to see myself standing in the kitchen, oblivious to the handfuls of cereal being mindlessly shoveled into my mouth.  My exercise routine had pretty much ground to a halt weeks before.  My spiritual practice was non existent.

It is so easy to stay in that mindset – to eat yourself into several or in my case many unwanted pounds… to feel sorry for yourself for any and a multitude of reasons…to ignore the mental notes to meditate or take a walk.  Life seems so difficult for so many of us lately and it is precisely at these times that we should not ignore that morning sunrise summons.

It takes a lot to heed the call to action – the one that screams at us to get out of bed, get to the gym, get to work at our job and on our selves. 

So I asked myself, what do I need to reset?  What would it take for me to actually do a reset?  What do I need to do?

The answer: first, taking stock of who we are, what we believe, what we say, how we act.   Awareness.  Mindfulness.  Of the emotional, physical, spiritual, and psychic self.

On the obvious side, I needed to reset my emotional balance – so that I would not continue to out of control power eat.  But why was I out of balance?  What was it that was pushing me to the state of mind that I was not paying attention to what was important for my self care? 

We all, I know, lead very full lives.  We have many people and things to tend to – children, partners, spouses, parents, and then of course our selves; houses, jobs, volunteer work, hobbies… We are often pulled in many different directions.

The most important lesson of this chapter of my life is to stop taking on everyone else’s emotional pain.  I tend to do that – for my kids expecially.  I am the incomparable caregiver in my house – which I will admit often feels like being more of a slave to life’s and everyone’s needs.  How to be there for myself is always a challenge.  There is a wonderful and very true saying that you are only as happy as your unhappiest child.  When one of our children is hurting, we are hurting too.  A friend equated being the mother of three to a game of whack a mole – some pesky problem is always rearing its head.  So no wonder I was off balance, trying to juggle everything that was going on was proving too much for me. 

Restarting my exercise routine was an important component of this reset as it would help relieve the stress that was the cause of the emotional eating.  It would also kick start my metabolism and pave the way for a few pounds to melt off.

But the question I have to ask is, “do I have the power?”  The will power that is, to actually reset my emotional balance, eating, physical exercise…. and not let the stress of life get to me.   

Willpower.  The power of our will.  Looking up the definition I found “the ability to control your own thoughts and behavior, especially in difficult situations,” “control of one’s impulses and actions; self-control,” “control exerted to do something or restrain impulses,” and my personal favorite, “energetic determination.”

I needed energetic determination now to not go for the cocoa puffs when I am suddenly feeling frustrated by something happening in my house.  Energetic determination to make a healthier choice when needing to eat something, anything.  Energetic determination to move my body every day towards a healthier lifestyle.  Energetic determination to cultivate and maintain a spiritual practice. 

The reset is a shift – towards clearer perception and awareness, knowing exactly what you are doing in every moment and why.  You are able to exercise your will, use your personal power.  The call to action is the call to mindfulness in everything you do.  The power of your will must be harnessed for the good of mind, body, and soul.

I believe I do have the willpower to reset my life.  And I accept the challenge to heed the call to mindful acton. 

By |2018-11-08T17:08:04-05:00November 8th, 2018|Dive Deeply|2 Comments

Everything Happens for a Reason, or Does it?

Do things happen for a reason, or is it all just random? And so the question of whether or not there is a prescribed path for each of us to follow, a designated sequence of events, is pondered. Is there a grand plan? A friend recently suggested that if indeed there was a grand plan for everyone, then why was I worried or stressed or sad? I should just trust the plan and more importantly, I should try not to analyze “why” things happened. Are there truly lessons to be learned that we contract to experience, lessons that guide us through our own personal mine fields where we bloom or implode, and outcomes are written in our destiny? It is said that our soul’s journey is comprised of prescribed lessons that we agreed to learn before we came into this life, lessons that we will learn no matter what path and relationships we choose. I read that what you are doing does not matter so much as what you are learning from doing it. Maybe then the lesson is not in the “why” it happened, but in the fact that it happened at all.

Life is after all about moments.

And each moment and event is filled with the opportunity to learn something about our selves. Each moment or event opens the door to other opportunities and paths for us to explore. But are we guided to these certain experiences by some inner aspect of our selves? How often have we known that a decision is correct, or that a choice resonates truth? Would that be a confirmation from our higher self or divine guidance from within? We simply have to follow the path. One friend described her path as “following the bouncing ball.” She had experienced something extraordinary and now was attuned to the sound of that bounce – the one that reverberates and says, “come” and adds “do not fear for all will be OK”. When I think of my path, I think of following a thread – or a ribbon that is at my place at the table and winds its way through and intersects with other ribbons, embodying all that it feels, sees, senses, and hears, becoming educated in who it is so that when it reaches the big centerpiece box filled with surprises and joy in the center, it lands in gratitude. I like that metaphor – each day, each experience is new and so a surprise, and the hope is that at our center, our lives are filled with gratitude and joy. It is of course up to us to make the choices, have the perspective, and the perceptions that can lead us through our embedded scripts where we will encounter the conflict and pain that will deliver us to that joy filled center. When I watched Life of Pi, I was struck by something the father said, “How can you find your way if you don’t choose a path?” There is always some choice that we will have to make, that will determine what we will experience, what relationships we have, what paths we follow. It is our free will that we must exercise, that we can exercise, to enjoy the surprises that the bouncing ball or the thread invite us to explore. And it is also our free will that can keep us open and listening for that inner voice, our inner guide that does indeed seem to know what is best for us, that informs us of what is true, what path we should follow, and when we will learn the lessons we came to learn. My astrologer of twenty years always reminds me that free will can change everything. It can affect timing, circumstances, and relationships. But ultimately it guides us to see what is within us. It instructs us to transform the way we view our selves and everything around us. So let us bless this idea that things happen for a reason, that we will learn our lessons, and that there exists within us a higher intuitive self that offers guidance and insight. And as for free will changing everything, let it change us all, and the world, for good.

By |2018-10-25T12:51:29-04:00May 25th, 2016|Dive Deeply|4 Comments

Just Dive In!

Into your heart and soul you must dive deeply and fearlessly.  There is no other way.  I often think about my childhood – diving into the swimming pool, plunging into the ocean from the perfect perch on our family’s sailboat.  I was so courageous then.  I would stand, planning my smooth entrance into the water, taking in the other divers around me, watching how the sunlight bounced off the bottom, reflecting back to me all my bravado and beckoning to me to just dive in. (more…)

By |2018-10-24T11:47:54-04:00July 9th, 2013|Dive Deeply|7 Comments

Fearlessly Diving Deep: The Story Behind I Must Be A Mermaid

I have always loved the sea. From my tender years, I would feel the salt-spray on my skin, taste the warm Biscayne Bay waters that would come to help soothe me, and inhale the air that filled me with energy and perspective. Boating, sailing in particular, has always been an important part of my life. I was my own master on my sailing vessels, pointing to catch the wind so that I could race as fast as I could, feeling the strong and subtle breezes surround me, moving me forward. Owning my independence and solitude, I could navigate my world at hand.

It is then no real surprise to me that I was lured by the idea of being a mermaid… (more…)

By |2018-10-11T11:14:53-04:00July 8th, 2013|Dive Deeply|10 Comments