WTF Universe?

The truth is, it is hard and scary to dive deep into your self, into your soul.  We are complex individuals, with emotions and energy and all that goes with our embodiment of this life. 

I remember when I first saw Anais Nin’s quote:  “I must be a mermaid.  I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”  I embraced it as my mantra.  My north star.  My guiding light in diving into my stuff – past and present so that I could experience transformation in my next steps, my future. 

Intentions are almost always good and inspire positive movement, but I found it difficult to maintain that frame of mind, those guideposts of reference where I not only dove into my heart and soul and exposed the intricate webbing and cracks of my experiences and being, but then served it up in the shape of social media posts and blog entries for others on a similar journey to gasp, “A Ha!,” and know they were not a lonely traveler but had company in their heartbreaks, trials, and tribulations.

Six and some odd years later, I find myself frozen – not able to dive at all, whether shallow or deep.  The fear, sometimes paralyzing, impairs my brain from computing what the pieces of the puzzle are, stops my heart from wanting to live another day in this confusion and frustration of what my life has turned out to be.  It is a mortal battle for my soul.  The waves of life that I so often write about are crashing around me, the tides and currents pushing and pulling.

I can’t see the light sometimes.  I know it’s there…..

I know that my feelings of sadness and depression, that the ‘I don’t want to,’ ‘can’t do this anymore,’ are but a wave that will refresh itself as it kisses the shore and then retreats to be part of the big picture once again. 

Do you ever throw your hands up to the sky and ask, “WTF Universe?”

I use to say in my most intense moments of ‘I’ve had it,’ “I hate my fucking life.”  My therapist was not happy that I said that, and she was quick to point out that it was my fucking life at the moment, and that it will change, that I had the ability to change it, for change is inevitable.  The other day I was watching Grace and Frankie – Season 4, and (spoiler alert!) Grace in a moment of utter frustration with a situation says, and I quote, “I hate my fucking life!”  I actually texted that to my therapist as if to say, see?, I am not the only one that feels that sense of despair. 

So really, “WTF Universe?”  I am in continual motion to examine the questions of why am I here, why are we all here, what am I suppose to be doing with this f’n life, and what can I do to make it better.  And that’s where we get back to the Anais Nin quote and the no fear of depths.  We don’t really want to live in the shallows, the superficial, the inauthentic.  We want to live deeply, love fully, experience our life in all its throws and storms and loveliness too.  I look at everyone around me and see that none of us are here gliding effortlessly through this life journey.  Everyone has some burden, some upsetting circumstance, some difficult challenge. Some have unimaginable obstacles to manage.  The point is, we all have our things to face and deal with. And it is in those moments of facing our stressful situations that we must realize and accept the uncomfortable circumstances, for that is where the light is, the growth, the progress.

And that’s why we are here – today, now, as human beings, on this earth, at this time.  We are in one big soul growth experience – sometimes it feels like one big shit storm, or a wave crashing so hard that it takes all the life and breath out of anything in its wake. 

But we rise up – a popular phrase these days… We rise up to meet our challenges.  We find the way to our heart and soul and to live the best way we can, guide our children, love our family, listen to our friends and support them as they speak about their journeys, be grateful for what we have, and most importantly, love ourselves.  It is up to us to pierce the shallows of our heart and soul and dive deeply into that which may challenge or scare us.  Because it is in those depths that we truly find ourselves, and realize that this life, no matter what the universe throws to us, is ours – to live, to enjoy, to own. 

Keep It Simple

“Keep it simple and stay in joy.”  ~Anna Grace Taylor

Keep it simple and stay in joy. Sounds like a good plan to me!  It is easy to become overwhelmed with all our responsibilities and obligations.  After all, we do wear many hats at once and although multi tasking was once heralded as a most prestigious feat, now it wears thin and is the cause of anxiety and the feeling that we can never get anything, let alone all of it done.  Frustration and unhappiness ensues.

It is necessary to simplify things. Take things one at a time.  When we are able to be successful handling something, one thing, it gives us confidence and strength to tackle the next thing, and then the next.  Simplicity helps us to understand that when we give our concentrated focus on something, we can handle it.  And when we focus, persevere, and complete the task, it provides a sense of accomplishment and that leads to feeling joy – about our abilities, our courage, our success, and about our self.   

 

By |2018-11-17T08:59:21-04:00November 18th, 2018|Quotes and Thoughts|0 Comments

Do You Have The Power? Will Power That Is!

Each morning, each sunrise, is nature’s way of signaling you to wake up, heed the call to action, to move forward on your path, progress towards your personal goals.  Some days the goal is to simply open your eyes and get out of bed.  I have had many days like that.

On the first of November I woke up feeling like I needed to do a reset of my life.  I had been feeling overwhelmed and my answer to those feelings had been to on several occasions binge eat cocoa puffs or devour my latest favorite Chocolove dark chocolate with salted almond butter bar, or both.  Trust me, it is not a pretty sight to see myself standing in the kitchen, oblivious to the handfuls of cereal being mindlessly shoveled into my mouth.  My exercise routine had pretty much ground to a halt weeks before.  My spiritual practice was non existent.

It is so easy to stay in that mindset – to eat yourself into several or in my case many unwanted pounds… to feel sorry for yourself for any and a multitude of reasons…to ignore the mental notes to meditate or take a walk.  Life seems so difficult for so many of us lately and it is precisely at these times that we should not ignore that morning sunrise summons.

It takes a lot to heed the call to action – the one that screams at us to get out of bed, get to the gym, get to work at our job and on our selves. 

So I asked myself, what do I need to reset?  What would it take for me to actually do a reset?  What do I need to do?

The answer: first, taking stock of who we are, what we believe, what we say, how we act.   Awareness.  Mindfulness.  Of the emotional, physical, spiritual, and psychic self.

On the obvious side, I needed to reset my emotional balance – so that I would not continue to out of control power eat.  But why was I out of balance?  What was it that was pushing me to the state of mind that I was not paying attention to what was important for my self care? 

We all, I know, lead very full lives.  We have many people and things to tend to – children, partners, spouses, parents, and then of course our selves; houses, jobs, volunteer work, hobbies… We are often pulled in many different directions.

The most important lesson of this chapter of my life is to stop taking on everyone else’s emotional pain.  I tend to do that – for my kids expecially.  I am the incomparable caregiver in my house – which I will admit often feels like being more of a slave to life’s and everyone’s needs.  How to be there for myself is always a challenge.  There is a wonderful and very true saying that you are only as happy as your unhappiest child.  When one of our children is hurting, we are hurting too.  A friend equated being the mother of three to a game of whack a mole – some pesky problem is always rearing its head.  So no wonder I was off balance, trying to juggle everything that was going on was proving too much for me. 

Restarting my exercise routine was an important component of this reset as it would help relieve the stress that was the cause of the emotional eating.  It would also kick start my metabolism and pave the way for a few pounds to melt off.

But the question I have to ask is, “do I have the power?”  The will power that is, to actually reset my emotional balance, eating, physical exercise…. and not let the stress of life get to me.   

Willpower.  The power of our will.  Looking up the definition I found “the ability to control your own thoughts and behavior, especially in difficult situations,” “control of one’s impulses and actions; self-control,” “control exerted to do something or restrain impulses,” and my personal favorite, “energetic determination.”

I needed energetic determination now to not go for the cocoa puffs when I am suddenly feeling frustrated by something happening in my house.  Energetic determination to make a healthier choice when needing to eat something, anything.  Energetic determination to move my body every day towards a healthier lifestyle.  Energetic determination to cultivate and maintain a spiritual practice. 

The reset is a shift – towards clearer perception and awareness, knowing exactly what you are doing in every moment and why.  You are able to exercise your will, use your personal power.  The call to action is the call to mindfulness in everything you do.  The power of your will must be harnessed for the good of mind, body, and soul.

I believe I do have the willpower to reset my life.  And I accept the challenge to heed the call to mindful acton. 

By |2018-11-08T17:08:04-04:00November 8th, 2018|Dive Deeply|2 Comments

Simple Pleasures – Fun Things To Do This Summer

The lazy, sweet days of summer…
The summer is in full swing and I am thinking about things I can do to really enjoy the fruits of the season. I want to do things that will bring joy and meaning to my summer days. I started to think back to my childhood… I went to camp, played outside, spent my days at the beach… I was carefree and easy drinking bug juice and sailing the summer seas. Childhood immediately brings us to a time where we were playful, joyful, imaginative, and curious. I want this summer to be like that! We are not taking any vacation per say, but as you know I live on an island that is a vacation destination. My challenge to myself is to carve out a little time each day to find a simple pleasure of summer. Here are some of the things that I am going to try to do:

Simple Pleasures – Fun things to do this summer:

  1. Make a sun tea – my husband is always asking for iced tea and though he is a traditional iced tea drinker, I want to make some delicious herbal fruity drink too.
  2. Build a sandcastle – it is so wonderful to just focus on digging in the sand and molding shapes with water and your hands.
  3. Play hopscotch or jacks, or another favorite childhood game like Miss Mary Mack!  That will bring a smile to your face for sure!
  4. Go beachcombing – look for stones, shells, and beach glass, find the sea trinkets that are calling your name.
  5. Gather your family and friends and sit around a firepit and enjoy smores. Sing a campfire song or tell a scary story too!
  6. Retake a picture from an earlier time in your life. Family photos are really fun to do! We did that last summer – in the original photo my kids were 10, 7, and 4, in the re-do, they were 23, 20, and 17.
  7. Play in the waves.  Grab a boogie board or a raft and float in the sea.
  8. Have a bbq and play lawn games – croquet, wiffle or volleyball, or badminton. Capture the flag is one of our family favorites.
  9. Make a chalk drawing on a sidewalk. Let your creativity flow.
  10. 10. Go out for ice cream and an evening stroll. There is nothing like a summer evening and a gelato, ice cream or frozen yogurt. My favorite is frozen yogurt with a little hot fudge.
  11. Play a round of mini golf. When the sun goes down and you are looking for an evening activity, head to your local mini golf course. Make bets with each other and heighten the stakes and the laughs!
  12. Take an outdoor yoga or tai chi class. A great way to begin or end your day, movement and fresh air will help you ground and balance yourself.
  13. Spend an hour under a tree in a hammock. What a peaceful way to recharge and reflect.
  14. Sit outside and read or draw. I love just sitting on my deck with a cup of coffee or tea, reading from my current book, or with a sketchpad in hand, I might color my wildflower garden or the view of the water.
  15. Have a beach picnic at sunset. One of my favorite things to do is be on the beach at sunset. It is not so much the dropping of the sun into the sea, but the afterglow – the light and color in the sky is magnificent. And don’t forget your favorite food and beverages, or your chairs or blanket, so you can relax and enjoy yourself.
  16. Let me know what your summer simple pleasures are and more importantly, how they make you feel. This summer, let’s all feel the joy, the peace, and the love that we deserve.

By |2018-10-24T11:48:35-04:00July 17th, 2016|Simple Pleasures|0 Comments

Everything Happens for a Reason, or Does it?

Do things happen for a reason, or is it all just random? And so the question of whether or not there is a prescribed path for each of us to follow, a designated sequence of events, is pondered. Is there a grand plan? A friend recently suggested that if indeed there was a grand plan for everyone, then why was I worried or stressed or sad? I should just trust the plan and more importantly, I should try not to analyze “why” things happened. Are there truly lessons to be learned that we contract to experience, lessons that guide us through our own personal mine fields where we bloom or implode, and outcomes are written in our destiny? It is said that our soul’s journey is comprised of prescribed lessons that we agreed to learn before we came into this life, lessons that we will learn no matter what path and relationships we choose. I read that what you are doing does not matter so much as what you are learning from doing it. Maybe then the lesson is not in the “why” it happened, but in the fact that it happened at all.

Life is after all about moments.

And each moment and event is filled with the opportunity to learn something about our selves. Each moment or event opens the door to other opportunities and paths for us to explore. But are we guided to these certain experiences by some inner aspect of our selves? How often have we known that a decision is correct, or that a choice resonates truth? Would that be a confirmation from our higher self or divine guidance from within? We simply have to follow the path. One friend described her path as “following the bouncing ball.” She had experienced something extraordinary and now was attuned to the sound of that bounce – the one that reverberates and says, “come” and adds “do not fear for all will be OK”. When I think of my path, I think of following a thread – or a ribbon that is at my place at the table and winds its way through and intersects with other ribbons, embodying all that it feels, sees, senses, and hears, becoming educated in who it is so that when it reaches the big centerpiece box filled with surprises and joy in the center, it lands in gratitude. I like that metaphor – each day, each experience is new and so a surprise, and the hope is that at our center, our lives are filled with gratitude and joy. It is of course up to us to make the choices, have the perspective, and the perceptions that can lead us through our embedded scripts where we will encounter the conflict and pain that will deliver us to that joy filled center. When I watched Life of Pi, I was struck by something the father said, “How can you find your way if you don’t choose a path?” There is always some choice that we will have to make, that will determine what we will experience, what relationships we have, what paths we follow. It is our free will that we must exercise, that we can exercise, to enjoy the surprises that the bouncing ball or the thread invite us to explore. And it is also our free will that can keep us open and listening for that inner voice, our inner guide that does indeed seem to know what is best for us, that informs us of what is true, what path we should follow, and when we will learn the lessons we came to learn. My astrologer of twenty years always reminds me that free will can change everything. It can affect timing, circumstances, and relationships. But ultimately it guides us to see what is within us. It instructs us to transform the way we view our selves and everything around us. So let us bless this idea that things happen for a reason, that we will learn our lessons, and that there exists within us a higher intuitive self that offers guidance and insight. And as for free will changing everything, let it change us all, and the world, for good.

By |2018-10-25T12:51:29-04:00May 25th, 2016|Dive Deeply|4 Comments

Submerge yourself in the depths of your soul…

I had always been intrigued by Anais Nin’s quote, “I must be a mermaid. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.” The idea of diving deep into life, not wanting to live on the surface, and really understanding what was in my heart and soul, was a driving force in my creating this blog, and to how I would ultimately pursue my dreams and passions in life. So here I am, submerging myself in the depths of my soul… listening to the quiet stillness… the silent echoes… transforming with each moment.

By |2018-10-16T10:28:03-04:00March 13th, 2016|More Emotional Weather|3 Comments

Sometimes you just have to say, “It is what it is.”

“Take things as they come.” “Be present.” “Live the moment.”

All great drops of advice and all important to having peace in your heart. So why is it that we have such a difficult time doing them? Many of us analyze, over analyze, think, and over think why certain events and relationships happen in our lives. We are stuck on not only the fact that they happened, but on the why. After all, everything happens for a reason. But is it so important to know that reason Can’t we just accept that it happened and look for what it has shown us, taught us, and how it has helped us grow?

If there was ever a statement that strongly resonated with me it would be Caroline Myss’ words: “Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.” I spent years trying to find the reason why something happened, why I made the choice I did, why things had worked out as they had. It was so painful and I suffered greatly. Living in the past or holding on to a fantasy is such a waste of energy. And it causes great hardship. Trying to decipher all the meanings in our personal universe is exhausting and we may not find all the answers we seek, or want for that matter. The search could be enlightening, but most often we feel anguish, sadness, and heartbreak when we remain in that search for the reasons why.

We all make mistakes. We all experience some emotional trauma. We all suffer. But we have the power, the choice, to free ourselves from that pain. I have often joked with friends about how it is time to get off misery road, that it is within our power to change the trajectory of our lives. We must choose to be vigilant and redirect our thoughts away from the questions of why something happened, why a relationship soured, why a person is the way they are, why a job didn’t work out, why we had to lose a loved one… why our life is the way it is. The best thing we can do for ourselves is give up the need to know why things happen as they do and just accept that they did, that they are as they are now. Just accept and allow the lesson. I dislike the expression, “It is what it is,” but it is the truth, and I find myself thinking or saying those words a lot lately.

So turn off of misery road and turn on to the road of joy, of happiness, of contentment, and of peace. Turn off your wondering mind. Cease the inquiry. Give up the need to know the why and concentrate on what is – focus on the present moment, and then focus on each subsequent moment as you experience life.

“Take things as they come.” “Be present.” “Live the moment.”

Peace of mind and soul can be yours. It is your choice.

By |2018-10-25T12:54:05-04:00March 4th, 2016|More Emotional Weather|2 Comments

Set Your Vibration

Every thought, feeling, sound, or action from us contributes to the nature of the vibration that emanates from our body. The truth is that we can attract similar energy vibrations to us. Have you ever been with a group of friends where the joy is so infectious that your belly hurt from all the laughter? Or conversely with a friend who was sad, and you felt that sadness in your own heart and soul. It is so important to be mindful of our energy and what vibrational message we are sending out. Breathing is the first step to our becoming aware of our energetic signature. Just breathing deeply, fully, in complete cycles of inhalation and exhalation, will help get our energy moving. Another really helpful practice, is to each morning before you do anything else, wake up your body. Spend the time each and every morning to ground and center yourself. Whether it is a simple stretch sequence or a personal yoga practice, spend the first few minutes of each day becoming mindful of how you feel – body, mind, heart, and soul. Scan your body as you stretch, as you breathe… Notice where the kinks are, notice what thoughts are getting stuck, and breathe and move through it. Get your energy flowing. Set your vibration to receive joy, happiness, patience, love… whatever it is that you want to embrace you.

By |2018-10-24T11:47:21-04:00November 25th, 2015|Quotes and Thoughts|1 Comment

Life Ever-shifting

I have always loved kaleidoscopes, my eye taking in all the ever changing shapes and colors. Life is like that too… the patterns, the lightness and darkness of our days… All it takes is that twist of hand, that shift of perspective, the ever so slight altering of something to bring about a change. A deep relaxed breath… a stretch of the arms towards the sun… an opening of your heart… Life is ever-shifting, each moment offering an opportunity to change and alter our outlooks and outcomes.

By |2018-10-16T10:33:16-04:00September 6th, 2015|Quotes and Thoughts|0 Comments
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